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Popcorn Review by Bill Ramey, aka "Jett."
He is the founder and editor-in-chief of BATMAN ON FILM
July 7, 2007

Here's the deal: I don't like TRANSFORMERS .

I don't hate them or anything, I just don't like ‘em. I guess the whole Transformer-thing was “after my time,” if you will. Never played with the toys nor watched a complete episode of the animated series.

So when I went into the theater to see the live-action version of the series/toys called, um, TRANSFORMERS , I expected to hate it and then proceed to rip it in a review. Hell, to be honest, I was looking forward to hating it and ripping it more than I dreaded going to see the thing. But…

…I liked it. Actually, I liked it A LOT!

I'm not one to waste another's time, so here's the skinny with TRANSFORMERS

Dork Boy (Shia Lebouef) meets hot -- I mean ULTRA HOT -- girl (Megan Fox). Hot girls blows him off. Boy buys a raggedy-ass car. Raggedy-ass car just so happens to be an alien robot that can -- you guessed it -- “transform” from car to robot at the drop of a hat. “Bumble Bee” -- the raggedy-ass car's real name -- has friends who have come to our planet to save the Earth. From whom, you ask? Well, that would be some more transforming alien robots who are bad and want to destroy our world.

Camero! I think the original is a '75/'76 Camero. I once had one...actually two back in the day.

The good Transformers are led by Optimus Prime (voiced by Peter Cullen), while the bad transformers are led by Megatron (voiced by “V,” err, Hugo Weaving). And the key to saving it all is…

…Yes! Dork Boy!

Got it? Swell -- it's not all that complicated.

Doesn't this sound like a steaming pile of dog you-know-what? Isn't it very cliché and predictable? Doesn't it have “SUCK” written all over it?

YES to all of that. But you know what? It's still a pretty badass, mindless, summer popcorn movie! Nothing makes sense and you don't buy into one minute of the plot or any of the actor's performances (except for Megan Fox as “Smokin' Hot Chick" and I don't think it was a stretch for her), but it is still one hell of a fun and enjoyable film.

So does anyone in the cast -- which includes Jon Voight, John Turturro, Josh Duhamel, Rachel Taylor (included for being hot), and Anthony Anderson stand out? Yes, definitely. Shia Lebouef as Dorky Boy and of course Megan Fox as Mega-Smokin'-Ultra-Hot-as-a-firecracker Chick.

In fact, I'm starting an Oscar campaign right now for Ms. Fox for her performance in this film. She made me totally believe that she's a better mechanic than Mr. Goodwrench or anyone on a NASCAR pit crew. Of course, I don't watch NASCAR and I drive a TOYOTA, but I digress.

And while I'm at it, I'm going to be banging the Academy Award drum for Mr. Michael Bay as well. Dude casts the hottest women in Hollywood and makes sure that there's cleavage showing no matter what the situation! Mr. Bay, sir, you are my hero.

All kidding aside (was I really kidding?), TRANSFORMERS was two hours of fun. The special effects are badass and worth going to see just to check them out. As is Megan Fox, but that's another story. How can I describe it…umm…it's like TWISTER + INDEPENDENCE DAY + ET all rolled into one with hotter chicks.

Both my boys loved it -- which was basically the reason I went in the first place -- and they don't give a damn about Megan Fox...or at least they BETTER NOT!

Ah, screw it! Go see it so you can gawk at Megan Fox.


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